Excerpt from Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987).

I gotta cop the DVD, stat! This review alone (snippet) should make this a must-have.

The plot, where it exists, concerns a drug-running ring on the Hawaiian island of Molokai. Donna and Taryn are assigned to stop the evildoers, who are led by a Goldfinger-like leader who delivers contraband in a radio-controlled helicopter (a scale model, not a real one…guess the drug business isn’t what it used to be on Molokai).

Somehow, the storyline changes from smuggled drugs to smuggled diamonds along the way, but who cares? …

In the interim, we are treated to such unforgettable lines as “Let’s hit the jacuzzi…I do my best thinking there,” “I don’t want to control your life, I only want to suck the polish off your toes,” and “If brains were bird poop you’d have a clean cage.”

We also run afoul of a homicidal skateboarder armed with a pistol and a blow-up doll (why?) and a transvestite who is spying on the spies. Plus any number of nubile women, none of them at all foul.